The Torah in Parashat Vayera tells of the famous test of akeidat Yitzchak, God’s command to Avraham to sacrifice his son, Yitzchak, a command He retracted at the very last moment, as Avraham prepared to perform the slaughter. Among the interesting features of this narrative is that it provides no clear description of Avraham’s emotional disposition throughout this ordeal. Other than a brief exchange between the father and his son, the Torah gives no details about the nature of the trip, what Avraham or Yitzchak said, thought or felt during the three-day journey to Moriah or in the moments just prior to the would-be sacrifice.
The mystery surrounding Avraham and Yitzchak’s thoughts and feelings captured the imaginations of poets throughout the ages, who composed numerous hymns with a variety of different depictions of the two patriarchs. Among the more famous and powerful of these prayers is “Eit Sha’arei Ratzon Le-hipatei’ach,” authored by the 12th-century Moroccan poet (who later moved to Aleppo), Rabbi Yehuda ben Shemuel Abbas. This hymn is recited by Sephardic communities on Rosh Hashanah, just prior to the first series of shofar blasts. In the middle of the poem, after telling how Avraham erected the altar, the author offers a powerful a description of the patriarch’s emotional state at this point: “Ayin be-mar bokha ve-leiv samei’ach” – “The eye cries bitterly, yet the heart rejoices.”
Rav Yuval Cherlow observes how these five poetic words capture the complexity of the moment, and the fierce battle of emotions that raged within Avraham’s heart during the ordeal of the akeida. On the one hand, Avraham cried bitterly, in an outburst of pain, prayer, desperation, grief, and torment. Simultaneously, however, he rejoiced; he felt content, gratified and fortunate to obey the divine command, to stand in the faithful service of God prepared to do anything that is asked of him. As Rav Cherlow notes, there are sources that depict Avraham as marching joyously to the akeida, happy to sacrifice that which is dearest to him in the service of the Almighty, whereas other sources describe the sheer torment and anguish he experienced throughout this ordeal. Rav Cherlow suggests that both depictions are correct, precisely because avodat Hashem is, very often, simultaneously rewarding and harsh. Obedience to God requires us to make very difficult sacrifices, but also offers the reward of gratification, the joy of living for a higher purpose. Akeidat Yitzchak, of course, is an especially extreme instance of sacrifice, but Avraham simultaneous, conflicting emotional responses provide a model for our avodat Hashem, as well. Being a servant of God is oftentimes difficult and demanding, but also rewarding and gratifying. We must never shy away from the hardships entailed in serving our Creator, but neither may we despair from trying to experience the unparalleled joy and gratification of fulfilling our duties as avdei Hashem.