Like Hagar, we sometimes magnify our successes so we can inflate our feelings of accomplishment and superiority. Our best course of action is to see ourselves as how we really are, rather than fabricate a self-image to satisfy the cravings of our ego. That way, we will be able to make the most of our situation and of the gifts and talents given to us by God to fulfill our unique, individual mission.
We read in Parashat Lekh-Lekha of Avraham’s marriage to Hagar, Sara’s maidservant. Sara, who was childless, initiated the idea of having Avraham marry a second wife, her maidservant, whose children would then be considered her own. Hagar conceived immediately after marrying Avraham, whereupon “she looked disparagingly upon her mistress” (16:4). The Radak explains this to mean that Hagar’s pregnancy caused her to change her perception of her standing in the household vis-à-vis Sara. As the mother of Avraham’s only offspring, Hagar figured, she was now the primary woman in the household, whereas Sara – who had been her mistress – was now relegated to secondary status. Hagar thus refused Sara’s orders, as she no longer regarded herself as the maidservant.
The Radak’s reading becomes especially significant in light of the subsequent narrative, which tells of Hagar’s encounter with an angel. Sara responded to Hagar’s bold dissidence by “tormenting” her (“va-te’aneha Sarai”), until Hagar felt she needed to escape. She fled to the desert, where she met an angel who asked her, “Where are you coming from, and where are you going?” Hagar replied, “I am fleeing from my mistress, Sarai.” Whereas previously (according to the Radak’s reading) Hagar regarded herself as the primary woman in the household and Sarai as her subordinate, upon her encounter with the angel she acknowledged her place as the maidservant, and that Sara was her mistress. After leaving the home and forced to ask herself the question of “where are you coming from, and where are you going,” to take stock of her life, to think about how she arrived at her current state of misery and what the future might hold, she recognized the cold, hard truth that she was Sara’s maidservant.
Many of us, at different periods in our lives, harbor certain illusions about ourselves and our standing. Like Hagar, we sometimes magnify our successes so we can inflate our feelings of accomplishment and superiority. We find ways to create an artificial sense of importance and supremacy to free ourselves from the uneasy feeling of inferiority. Just as Hagar pounced on the opportunity presented by her quick conception to assert her superiority over Sara, we, too, build upon our modest successes to create a false sense of superiority.
The account of Hagar’s encounter with the angel might remind us to assess ourselves and our standing with brutal honesty and objectivity. We have nothing to fear by acknowledging “Sarai gevirti,” that other people are, in some ways, superior. As the angel urges Hagar, “Shuvi el gevirteikh” – “Return to your mistress.” Our best course of action is to see ourselves as how we really are, rather than fabricate a self-image to satisfy the cravings of our ego. That way, we will be able to make the most of our situation and of the gifts and talents given to us by God to fulfill our unique, individual mission.