Seforno teaches us that even when a decision is appropriate and warranted, we cannot remain apathetic to other people’s distress.
We read in Parashat Miketz of Yosef’s harsh treatment of his brothers when they arrived in Egypt to purchase grain. He accused them of spying and ordered them to bring Binyamin from Canaan to prove their innocence, while one brother, Shimon, remained in prison in Egypt. The brothers, not realizing that Yosef understood their language, spoke to one another acknowledging that this crisis was wrought by God to punish them for what they had done to Yosef. Upon hearing the brothers speaking, Yosef turned away from them and wept (42:22).
Seforno offers a brief explanation for why Yosef was moved to tears: “Ka’asher ra’a be-tzaratam” – because he saw their distress. It was not the brothers’ expression of remorse for their crime against him that caused Yosef to cry, but rather the anguish and torment which was on display. According to Seforno, Yosef still cared deeply for his brothers, and it pained him to see them suffering, to the point where he was moved to tears.
Seforno’s comment becomes especially meaningful when we consider the fact that it was Yosef himself who brought this suffering upon his brothers. Different explanations have been given for why Yosef treated the brothers the way he did, including the claim that he felt obliged to see his dreams of leadership fulfilled (Ramban) and that he sought to lead his brothers to repentance and atonement (Abarbanel). Regardless, Yosef felt it was necessary under the circumstances to subject his brothers to this ordeal. And yet, according to Seforno, he was pained. He was not indifferent to their suffering, vitally necessary as he thought this suffering was. Irrespective of the circumstances, the fact remained that his brothers were in pain, and so he was in pain, too.
There are times when we need to cause people distress, particularly in the realms of childrearing and education, when parents and educators are compelled to deny many of a child’s requests, force the child to do things he or she does not wish to do, and occasionally to punish. There are also times when we need to offer constructive criticism which can cause a degree of embarrassment and discomfort. And sometimes difficult decisions need to be made that make people upset. Seforno teaches us that even when a decision is appropriate and warranted, we cannot remain apathetic to other people’s distress. When we need to punish or say “no” to a child, we must feel the child’s angst and empathize with him or her, no less as we would when the child needs to undergo a painful medical procedure. The fact that pain is necessary should not diminish from our feelings of empathy. We need to be genuinely sensitive and caring even when disciplinary measures are warranted, just as Yosef felt his brothers’ pain even when he felt it was necessary to inflict that pain.
(Based on a sicha by the Tolna Rebbe)