When Yosef introduces his father, Yaakov, to Pharaoh, the Egyptian king inquires as to the saintly patriarch's age. Yaakov answers with not only a number, but also a description: "Few and hard have been the years of my life, nor do they come up to the life spans of my fathers during their sojourns" (47:9). The Midrash criticizes Yaakov's complaint, commenting that thirty-three years were taken from his life as punishment for the thirty-three words of self lamentation he spoke to Pharaoh.
Someone with the time and patience to count the number of Yaakov's recorded words in this brief conversation will arrive at a lower number than thirty-three (21). How did Chazal calculate his words to number thirty-three? The answer is that Chazal counted all the words in the Torah's account of this conversation, starting from "Pharaoh said to Yaakov" and through Yaakov's response to the king's inquiry. One who counts the words contained in the two verses of 47:8-9 will, indeed, arrive at thirty-three.
Needless to say, this itself begs for an explanation. Why should Yaakov be punished for Pharaoh's question? Why should the words uttered by Pharaoh - and even the words used by the "narrator" in this context - count towards the shortening of Yaakov's life?
Rav Chaim Shemuelevitz explains that the answer lies in a more obvious question regarding this entire scene: did Pharaoh really have nothing else to ask Yaakov except his age? Could these two men not find any better topic of conversation?
Rav Chaim answers that Pharaoh's question indicates that Yaakov wore his troubles on his face. The Egyptian monarch saw in front of him a frail, elderly gentlemen, whose wrinkled complexion and squinted eyes told the tale of his brother's plot to kill him, his father-in-law's attempts to cheat him, the difficult family life he suffered from the rape of his daughter through the sale of his favorite son, and starvation from famine. This woeful appearance prompted Pharaoh to inquire about his guest's age. Chazal teach us that for this alone Yaakov was punished. A tzadik of his stature was to avoid sharing his personal crises with others, and greet others warmly and pleasantly, with a joyous smile and friendly countenance. Therefore, the words spoken by Pharaoh when inquiring about Yaakov's age counted towards the shortened years of his life.
While most of us cannot expect of ourselves to live at the standards demanded of Yaakov Avinu, this Midrash must open our eyes to this important quality of maintaining one's pleasantness even during trying times. Life is full of pressures, anxieties, disappointments, and challenges. But as much as possible, we must try to put it all aside when speaking with others, and to afford others the warmth and friendliness we expect from them.