The more respect and regard we have for ourselves, the less disturbed we will be when we do not receive the respect and regard of others.
Parashat Vayigash begins with Yehuda’s plea to Yosef – the Egyptian vizier – to allow Binyamin to return to Canaan despite having been found with the vizier’s goblet. Yehuda begins by pleading, “Your servant shall, please, speak something in the ears of my master, and do not be angry with your servant, for you are like Pharaoh.” Yehuda asks the vizier not to “be angry” with him for what he is about to say, explaining, “for you are like Pharaoh.” Why does Yehuda tell Yosef that he considers him “like Pharaoh,” and why is this a reason for Yosef not to grow angry with him?
The Rashbam explains, “You are like a king, and I am afraid of your anger.” Meaning, Yehuda makes mention of Yosef’s royal stature not to explain why he should not grow angry, but rather to explain why he asks the vizier not to grow angry. He recognizes that he speaks to a powerful man, and he therefore fears the consequences of his brazen petition. (This is also the explanation offered by Chizkuni.)
The Ramban explains differently: “‘For you are like Pharaoh’ – and I am speaking before you with great reverence, as though I was speaking before Pharaoh.” According to this interpretation, Yehuda tells Yosef not to be angry because he speaks reverently. Although it might be considered brazen to demand that Binyamin be released, the respect and reverence with which he speaks demonstrates that he does not intend to challenge Yosef’s royal authority or show him disrespect.
Rav Yitzchak Kunstadt of Pressburg, in his Luach Erez (Vienna, 1915), suggested a different possible interpretation of this verse. Yehuda tells Yosef that he should not take offense from his petition, because, after all, he is “like Pharaoh.” A person in a high position should feel secure enough in his stature to tolerate minor infractions upon his honor. Yosef, as the empire’s vizier, had no reason to feel threatened by Yehuda, even if he speaks firmly and critically. Yosef’s royal stature was thus not a reason for him to grow angry with Yehuda for presenting his demands, but rather, the contrary, a reason for him to hear Yehuda’s plea with patience and understanding.
We are perhaps well advised to keep in mind this phrase – “ki kamokha ke-Pharaoh” – when we feel slighted or insulted, or upon hearing critical remarks from our peers. Human beings are all created in the divine image, and all members of Am Yisrael have the status of “children of the Almighty” (Avot 3:14). We should feel too important and distinguished to be rattled by an insulting remark, or by not being accorded the respect we perhaps deserve, or think we deserve. The more respect and regard we have for ourselves, the less disturbed we will be when we do not receive the respect and regard of others. If we remind ourselves that “ki kamokha ke-Pharaoh,” and keep in mind our “royal” stature in the eyes of the Almighty, we will be unaffected by perceived insults, and will remain confident and upbeat regardless of the respect afforded to us by our peers – or lack thereof.